Talk Deep: Why Kids Need Slower Conversations

Many children today spend a lot of time messaging. It is normal. It is how their friends stay in touch. But if you look closely at those conversations, they are often not really conversations at all.

A typical message thread looks something like:

ok
lol
wyd
nothing
same
👍

Why fast messaging creates shallow conversations

Quick, short, gone. Children send dozens of these each day, but they rarely get to say anything with shape or feeling behind it. This is not because they lack depth. It is because most digital tools they use reward speed rather than thought.

When everything moves quickly, children tend to talk about the first thing that comes to mind. When things slow down, they often reach the real thing that is on their mind.

One mum told me her daughter never said much about school when asked during the day. But when she wrote slowly to a pen pal, she filled half a page about how lunchtime sometimes felt lonely. Same child. Same feelings. Different pace.

How slowing down helps children express themselves

Slower communication lets children settle into what they want to say. There is no typing bubble waiting for them to hurry. No pressure to reply instantly. They can sit with an idea for a moment. They can start again. They can add a detail they forgot. It is communication at a child's pace, not the pace of an app.

And when children receive slower messages, they tend to read differently too. They notice small details. They remember things. The conversation becomes more like a shared exchange rather than a stream of quick pings.

A different kind of digital literacy

A lot of digital literacy work focuses on safety, misinformation, privacy, and screen time. All important. But there is another side to communication that deserves attention. Children also need chances to practise longer, more thoughtful forms of expression online. It is part of how they learn to share their own stories, not just react to everyone else's.

Parents often say they want their children to communicate in a way that feels real. Not dramatic, not perfect. Just honest. Slower conversations give children space to try that out safely.

Instant messages will always have their place. They are useful and fun. But they cannot teach depth or help children explore their thoughts in a meaningful way. Slower communication does that. It helps them notice more. Describe more. Share more. And sometimes it helps them feel a little braver with their words.

In a world full of fast notifications, giving children a slower way to speak is not old fashioned. It is supportive and developmentally important. And it reveals something worth remembering. The slower moments often show us who children really are.